just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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