When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
