i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
