The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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