She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
