My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
