My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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