I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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