.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
