OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
