I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
