Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
