he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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