why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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