I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
