so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fuck appropriateness.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
