I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
