I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
