Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
