i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
