girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
