i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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