apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Less talking, more tequila
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
