your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
