Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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