We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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