im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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