Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
