That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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