i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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