You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
