apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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