I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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