Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
BRING THE BAGELS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
