so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
