Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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