i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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