Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
