we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
