First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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