Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
