how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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