I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
