Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
