I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
