yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
