I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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