4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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