She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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