got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
